Today driving to LA to meet up with my sister to go to Stitch n Bitch I saw a bumper sticker on a car that said "My boss is a Jewish carpenter." I found myself thinking, "Wow, I wish my boss was a Jewish carpenter so that today I could have avoided spending 3 hours trying to assemble a bookcase that turned out looking like shit! I would have made his ass come over and put the damn thing together!"
Starting yesterday I should have known that this bookcase and I were doomed. I made my way over to Target to get a bookcase and it turned out to be this huge adventure. Why you ask? Because I am 5'1 and the box that the bookcase comes in weighs about 200 pounds! Trying to put the box into my basket by myself was hard enough. I'm so freaking short and the box was so heavy that every time I tried to slide the thing into the basket, it just kept rolling away from me! So after like oh ya know, 5 tries!, this lady held the basket for me. SO after I get the rest of my stuff and go through the check out line I'm thinking about how it is going to be damn near impossible for me to get this huge box out of the basket and into my car. Not to mention, I drive a Volkswagen Jetta so I have to fold down the back seats so the box can fit and one would think this would be an easy task, but not for me! So it's 85 degrees and my car is like 100 degrees inside because it's blue and it's been sitting in the sun, so I'm sweating balls as I'm trying to yank the seats down! After I finally get that accomplished I have to pick this 200 pound box up out of the basket that is practically taller then me and the parking lot is on a slant so I'm trying to make it so the basket doesn't go flying away from me and crash into another car! Is it surprising to find out that I almost fell on my ass twice? What is even more frustrating is that there was this guy in a mini-van watching me the entire time! So when I got home I left it in my car because my friends were coming over later that night so I was going to make them deal with it. I had enough with the damn box!
So today I woke up bright and early at 11:00 AM to assemble this damn bookcase. I figured it would take me an hour, try 3!! I now have two blisters on my hand and my thumb feels like I've been playing Nintendo for 15 hours straight! Both the upper and lower part of my arms have pulled muscles and I think I am going to smell like wood for the rest of my life. You would think after three hours of screwing in things and nailing shit into the back of this bookcase it would be a masterpiece, but NO! It is probably the ugliest and most disasterous thing I have ever assembled before in my life!
Do you see how that front piece dangles from the top? Isn't that nice? There is this nice gap right in your face!! After half an hour of trying to screw in the screws, two blisters, and strained muscles I decided to try and yell "motherfucker" at it to see if that would make them screw in, but when that didn't work so I decided to just let it dangle. People like dangly things, don't they?
Do you see the nail protruding from the back of that thing? How did that happen? Well, it's kind of lopsided and I'm not very good at making sure things are evenly placed on surfaces so now I have nails sticking out the side of my bookcase. Oh! I can't forget the fact that I put the backing on backwards!!! Yes, I am a third year in college!!!
So anyway, that is my story of why I will never be a Jewish carpenter. Everytime I look over and see that ugly bookcase my thumb starts to ache.
Also, thanks for all the suggestions for my scarf! I liked a lot of them and I will be keeping them in mind for the scarfs I make for myself!! I watched "Harry Potter" and became inspired to make Andy's scarf a Harry Potter scarf. Here's what it looks like so far!!
Here is the picture of the fruit pizza I made for Karman's birthday party! I was so proud that I made it by myself that I took a picture! It's super simple to make, but it tastes great. Let me know if you want the recipe!
P.S. Today was my half-birthday! 6 more months until I'm 21 and a drunkard! I can't wait!
Starting yesterday I should have known that this bookcase and I were doomed. I made my way over to Target to get a bookcase and it turned out to be this huge adventure. Why you ask? Because I am 5'1 and the box that the bookcase comes in weighs about 200 pounds! Trying to put the box into my basket by myself was hard enough. I'm so freaking short and the box was so heavy that every time I tried to slide the thing into the basket, it just kept rolling away from me! So after like oh ya know, 5 tries!, this lady held the basket for me. SO after I get the rest of my stuff and go through the check out line I'm thinking about how it is going to be damn near impossible for me to get this huge box out of the basket and into my car. Not to mention, I drive a Volkswagen Jetta so I have to fold down the back seats so the box can fit and one would think this would be an easy task, but not for me! So it's 85 degrees and my car is like 100 degrees inside because it's blue and it's been sitting in the sun, so I'm sweating balls as I'm trying to yank the seats down! After I finally get that accomplished I have to pick this 200 pound box up out of the basket that is practically taller then me and the parking lot is on a slant so I'm trying to make it so the basket doesn't go flying away from me and crash into another car! Is it surprising to find out that I almost fell on my ass twice? What is even more frustrating is that there was this guy in a mini-van watching me the entire time! So when I got home I left it in my car because my friends were coming over later that night so I was going to make them deal with it. I had enough with the damn box!
So today I woke up bright and early at 11:00 AM to assemble this damn bookcase. I figured it would take me an hour, try 3!! I now have two blisters on my hand and my thumb feels like I've been playing Nintendo for 15 hours straight! Both the upper and lower part of my arms have pulled muscles and I think I am going to smell like wood for the rest of my life. You would think after three hours of screwing in things and nailing shit into the back of this bookcase it would be a masterpiece, but NO! It is probably the ugliest and most disasterous thing I have ever assembled before in my life!
Do you see how that front piece dangles from the top? Isn't that nice? There is this nice gap right in your face!! After half an hour of trying to screw in the screws, two blisters, and strained muscles I decided to try and yell "motherfucker" at it to see if that would make them screw in, but when that didn't work so I decided to just let it dangle. People like dangly things, don't they?
Do you see the nail protruding from the back of that thing? How did that happen? Well, it's kind of lopsided and I'm not very good at making sure things are evenly placed on surfaces so now I have nails sticking out the side of my bookcase. Oh! I can't forget the fact that I put the backing on backwards!!! Yes, I am a third year in college!!!
So anyway, that is my story of why I will never be a Jewish carpenter. Everytime I look over and see that ugly bookcase my thumb starts to ache.
Also, thanks for all the suggestions for my scarf! I liked a lot of them and I will be keeping them in mind for the scarfs I make for myself!! I watched "Harry Potter" and became inspired to make Andy's scarf a Harry Potter scarf. Here's what it looks like so far!!
Here is the picture of the fruit pizza I made for Karman's birthday party! I was so proud that I made it by myself that I took a picture! It's super simple to make, but it tastes great. Let me know if you want the recipe!
P.S. Today was my half-birthday! 6 more months until I'm 21 and a drunkard! I can't wait!
posted by Penny at 11:01 PM
5 Comments:
Hahaha, I will come down and see if I can help you with the bookcase. But no promises I will be that helpful -- I told you about my own Ikea nightmare.
Besides, people do love dangly things!
I loved that you circularly referred to J-sus' ass.
p.s. You WISH you were 5'1" my little munchkin.
eh hem...i've been measured and i am 1/4 of an inch shorter than that! so excuse me! 5'3/4 of an inch!
hi penny! cool, you have a blogspot, i have one but it's pretty lame (if I do say so myself) anyway I was just thinking about how in Shasta you made some crazy salad thing that turned out to be really good and I asked for the recipe but then I never made it..yea..sometimes my memory doesn't serve me good :) how's summer?
penny you are so funny i can't even come up with a decent comment and i've been trying for over 24 hours now. first there was the "i feel sorry for anyone who ever gets me pregnant" and now "what i would do were my boss a jewish carpenter." it's like the universe sends you hypothetical questions just so you can answer them for us! priceless!!
I love the colours of the scarf!
I do not construct things myself. I have people do such tasks for me. And by "people", I mean my friends who take pity on me because goshdarnit, I'm cute and can appear helpless if so desired, and it's just easier to do what I say than to argue with me.
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