"I know. It's all wrong. By rights we shouldn't even be here. But we are. It's like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn't want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn't. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something...That there's some good in this world, Mr. Frodo... and it's worth fighting for."

Let me just state that I have been drinking tonight...maybe a lot and I, also, may have watched a little too much "Lord of the Rings" over the past day and a half, but honestly that quote gave me hope for the next three and a half years and for the world in general. This quote gives me hope that the American people can really understand that we're headed in the wrong direction and we can come together and work towards making America better. Watching all these people on the news is just tearing my soul apart. I cannot understand how all this happened in America. I cannot understand how it took them so long to get things moving and organized when they knew people were dying. It takes 5 hours to fly from California to New York, how did it take them 3 days just to START arriving in New Orleans and 6 days to actually get the operation moving? It's disgusting and fucked up and just to think if people hadn't elected some white trash bigot from Texas we could have saved a lot more lives. People say that life isn't all about making money, but apparently it is because if you're poor and something like this happens you're the last one out. It's all so fucked up and I hate Bush. I saw people giving him hugs on the news. I would have kicked him and asked why the fuck wasn't he there 4 days earlier? "I'm sorry if you were on vacation for the 300th time this year, Mr. President, but we need you down here." I just hope there isn't a terrorist attack anytime soon or we're fucked.


I don't know what it is lately, but I have had the extreme desire to drink a lot. I think it's because I am need of numbing the pain from realizing my life has not changed in the least the past two years. I'm still single. I still have no idea what the fuck I want to do in life. I'm finally happy, for the most part, so that is a change and a good one at that.

The being single thing really doesn't bother me what does bother me is I cannot completely cut Wes out of my life. I want to delete him out of my phonebook and I want to delete him from my Myspace, but I know if I did that it would somehow lead to us getting in a big fight about it, when that really isn't what we're fighting about in the first place. It's all so ridiculous and it would all be so much easier if we didn't have the same friends. I would never have to worry about seeing him again and that would make my visits home a whole lot more fun. Everytime I see him it just reminds me of what he did to me when he knew I needed him most and it just makes me want to knee him in the balls and kick the crap out of him. I really do hate him and that's just depressing because he used to be my best friend.

And this whole being back at school this is just depressing me. It all just seems so pointless. I just feel like such a failure. Blah. I just can't even talk about school right now.

All this news is just depressing me. I refuse to watch the news tomorrow because I know that is why I am so down in the dumps. When I actually started watching the news in hopes of hearing about John and not just reading it was when I started getting sad and crying 20 times a day so that is going to stop tomorrow.

I'm going to end this blog on a positive note because I don't like all this negative talk coming from me. I just want to say that I have the greatest family in the world and I am so thankful to have them. Jen, even though you don't understand my sarcasm 90% of the time and we fight a lot because of it, I love you to death and you are an amazing sister and I look up to you a lot. Jeff, you're the greatest brother anyone could ask for and I miss you like crazy and I wish it were like the days when I was in 7th grade and you were a senior and we hung out all the time. Jen M, I can't wait for you to become my sister in a few months, you're one of the best people I know and sometimes I'm convinced you know me better then my best friend since 6th grade. Mom and Dad, even though you guys don't read this, I love you two more than anything and you've supported me in ways I could have never imagined. I am who I am today because of you guys and I cannot thank you enough.