I need a real job and I need to get away from retail...fast. I am a supervisor at a large retail company that sells you a lot of crap that you more than likely don't need. I can no longer deal with people's neuroses. I can no longer deal with the madness, the anger, the rudeness, the egos, the crying, the sex in public, the loud cell phone talkers, the thieves, the stupidity, and finally, the poop. Oh, the poop.

I have been working for this company for 8 months and I probably have the funniest, most ridiculous and most disgusting stories you will ever hear. I don't know if these experiences have made me a better or worse person, but they sure have taught me a lot.

Here are some tips:

1) The customer is NOT always right. If you are angry about something, more than likely, you are wrong. 90% of the time the customer is wrong.

2) You are not smarter than the person working retail. You especially don't know more about the policies of the company that person works for. Don't act like you do. Ever.

3)Don't talk on your cell phone inside a building in a normal speaking voice. You then become loud and obnoxious.

4) Don't EVER talk on your cell phone when you are purchasing something. I don't care how much you apologize, you are still an asshole.

5) Don't ever assume you are not being watched. Don't have sex or perform sexual acts in public. Most likely, you are on camera.

6) Don't poop on the floor. You must feel some amount of shame when you do this. Why not relieve yourself of that shame and not do it? It'll make the world a better place.