Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Life when you are about to graduate college is not very fun. No, that is not the way to describe it. It is really scary and when I get scared, I rebel. I do not go to most of my classes. I put off writing papers when I have four due in three days and I certainly do not feel guilty about doing it. Everyone tells me that I just have a bad case of Senioritis, but I just don't think that is it. I don't want to be done with school. I want to keep going. I love the Political Science department more than anything.

I am two months away from graduation and I have no idea what I want to do with my life. I have no job lined up. I have no idea where I am going to be living. I am two months away from everything that I am familiar with being taken away and I am not a person that enjoys change. I actual despise it. It runs in the family. For twenty years my dad ate a roll and a Pepsi for breakast (I wonder where my sister gets her Coke-in-the-morning habit). Now I don't want to be the kind of person that eats a roll and a Pepsi for breakfast every morning, but I am also not the kind of person that enjoys spontaneity in every moment of my life. I sometimes enjoy the predictable.

So here I am sitting around with no idea what my life is going to be like in two months. This thought excites most people. Oh! The Possibilities. But lately, I have just wanted to curl up in the fetal position and cry. Oh! The possibilities in my mind means, "Oh, the possibilities for failure." And FAILURE is my number one fear so for now I am going to go eat my roll and Pepsi and curl up on the couch and cry.